Even More Steven Wright Quotes

Here's some more top Steven Wright quotes. Enjoy!

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Steven Wright Quotes

Here are a few hilarious quotes by Steven Wright...

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

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Music Joke

Joke of the day:

What does Kenny G say when he walks into an elevator?

"This place rocks!"

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Lesbian Joke

Joke of the day:

What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?

Klondike

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Adult Joke

Joke of the Day:


Why is air a lot like sex?

It's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

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Blonde Joke

Joke of the day:

Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, "So, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll - Tootsie Pop?"

Without a thought, the blonde replied,

"Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper."

Tags: Blonde Jokes, My joke of the day

Sex Joke

My joke of the day:



What happened to the male prostitute when he contracted leprosy?

He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.